Direction

You won’t end up where you wanna end up if you don’t know where you’re going.

Yesterday, I lost my shit on some of my best friends.

After casually playing poker for 5 hours I decided that 11:00 PM was time to call it a night. When I said I was gonna leave, I was hit with the typical,

“Come on man, you always leave early. Just stay for a couple more hours. You don’t work ‘til 11:00 tomorrow.”

I calmly responded that I had to leave because I had things to do. Then, I was asked the question that all 2-year-olds know how to ask so well…

WHY?

“Why can’t you stay? What do you have to do? Why can’t you just do it after work? Why can’t you just take a day off? Why do you always work the weekends?”

The questions kept flowing.

I responded with a smile, “this is a dumb conversation, I just have things to do.”

With that, I was countered with “You never hang out anymore.”

That lit the fuse.

I let everyone at the table know:

I DO WHAT I DO, SO SOMEDAY I DON’T HAVE TO DO WHAT I’M DOING.

I let it all out. I told them why. I told them that I have to say no if I want to go where I want to go. I told them that me being there is enough. Why does it matter if I’m there two hours later? I was there.

“But you’re leaving. We want to see you before you leave.”

That’s when the questions started forming in my own head.

Am I a bad friend?

Am I being selfish?

Do I just not care?

Do I always say no?

What even matters?

The self doubt started creeping in. It was me against 5 of my best friends trying to explain myself. You don’t realize how much you doubt yourself when you are faced with 5 people who think the exact opposite of you. Really hard to be convincing.

I pondered it. I thought to myself “Is what I’m doing even working?”

Then it hit me.

OTHERS WILL ALWAYS WANT YOU TO BE THE PERSON THEY WANT FOR THEM.

At that moment, nobody was considering that maybe I was leaving because I want to be the best me so I can be the best for them. Maybe I want to be able to quit my 9-5 someday and have more time to spend with the people I love. Maybe I say no because I have goals that don’t align with the things I say no to. Maybe I really do only care about myself.

No, it’s not that.

It’s the fact that I want the best for myself because if I find the best version of myself, I can help the people I love find the best for themselves.

In the moment, it seemed like I was being selfish. It seemed like I didn’t care one bit about them. It seemed like I didn’t value the time I have left here.

BUT I CAN’T DO IT FOR THEM, I HAVE TO DO IT FOR ME.

As the conversation continued, I realized why they couldn’t wrap their heads around why I do what I do.

They have no direction.

They all have this destination in mind of what they want to be eventually. They want to be rich, or should I say, they want to be what they think rich is. They want the big house, the nice car, the membership to the best golf course in town, but they don’t have any idea how to get there.

They think that doing the same thing they have always done will get them where they want to go.

YOU CAN’T REACH THE DESTINATION IF YOU’RE HEADING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.

It hurts when you realize that you must leave others on their own path, especially when all you want to do is bring them with.

But they don’t understand. If they can’t wrap their heads around what you want for yourself and respect it, you must travel a l o n e .

Spending less time with the people you are used to is necessary if they aren’t pulling you in the direction you want to go.

This is how it has been in my case. I have to say no. I have to find better uses of my time because that is not the life I want to live.

Everyone has a picture of what they want their life to look like someday. But most people have no idea how to make it look like that. They see others who “have it all” but only see the end product. They don’t see the work and the sacrifices made behind the scenes that made it happen.

When I lose my direction, which happens more than you think, I can feel my destination getting further away.

I can feel myself drifting away with the current because I quit swimming.

IF YOU DON’T MAKE YOUR DECISIONS, THE WORLD WILL MAKE THEM FOR YOU.

I felt bad for putting my foot down but why should I?

Why should I feel bad for telling the truth?

Relationships matter a lot to me. My friends matter a lot to me. But that care becomes lesser when my own well-being is in jeopardy. I cannot continue to pour myself out for someone who is pulling me away from my destination.

It isn’t worth it, no matter how long you’ve known them.

This year has been full of growing pains. The pain of growing yourself and realizing the people you want to grow with you, aren’t. Instead, they are growing away, or not growing at all.

It sucks, but this time comes for everyone.

It is nothing somebody hasn’t experienced before.

All good things must come to an end.

Your destination is your purpose.

A clear purpose will give clear directions.

Clear directions will help make easy decisions.

Remember your purpose and keep heading in the right direction.

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Thank you for reading!

My goal is to inspire self-improvement in others through my personal stories and experiences.

This is The Exploration.