Honesty

Which is more important?

Being completely honest with others or being completely honest with yourself.

I value the feelings of others, I truly do. But I also know that by being the most honest with myself can hurt those feelings.

It’s not fair, it never will be.

Everyone deserves to be told the truth. Everyone thinks they want to hear the truth, but I think that they have to be ready to hear it. Hearing the truth can destroy you if you aren’t aware of it already.

Blindsided.

Nobody wants to be blindsided. It hurts worse than anything.

So maybe that’s why I have kept my feelings contained. That’s why I don’t show everything because I don’t want the feeling of being blindsided when somebody tells me the complete truth.

I try to control too much. I convince myself that by being in complete control I will never be hurt.

It may be true, but probably not.

In my head, control is seen as self-awareness. I believe that the more self aware I am, the more control I have over my own feelings. If I think about something, I realize how somebody else might interpret it, then I can’t really lose control.

By constantly considering how my actions make others feel, I am able to keep myself from being oblivious to how much of an effect I have.

I like to act like people aren’t impacted by what I do or what I say. I like to act like I don’t make an impression even though I am 100% aware that I do.

SELF-AWARENESS IS SELF-HONESTY.

I like to hear that I am wrong. I like to be proven something about myself that I did not know was true. It allows me to be more honest with myself. It allows me to become more aware of who I actually am, and improve it.

I don’t want to walk through this life with a nail sticking out of my forehead and never know because people are too nice to tell me.

Seek honesty from others.

Admit that you don’t know it all.

Admit that you’re wrong from time to time.

I was told that I always want to be right, and maybe that’s true. Everyone wants to be right, it’s a natural desire. But I am also quick to admit that I was wrong. If I never admitted I was wrong, I would be dishonest with myself. By being dishonest with myself, I wouldn’t be able to be honest with others either.

So tell me when I’m wrong.

I’ll hear it for what it is and try to be better.

But don’t tell me because you want to persuade me a certain way. Don’t tell me something that you want me to think is true. Because I know a lot of the truths about myself because I seek them out every single day.

Don’t walk around looking for ways to prove yourself right. Consider all options. Sometimes there are a lot more than two options.

I FAILED TO CONSIDER WHAT IS BETWEEN BLACK AND WHITE FOR TOO LONG.

I assumed it was either this way or that way, there was no inbetween. But I soon recognized that the space inbetween is much more vast than I would have ever considered.

So rather than just looking at everything thinking there are two definitive options, consider the possibility that there aren’t.

That is how you really find the truth.

YOU FIND THE TRUTH BY REALIZING THERE REALLY ISN’T A TRUTH.

Most matters carry much more than two opinions.

It is not a matter of right or wrong like I once thought.

Thinking that every single answer can be a concrete yes or no is ignorant. The thought that there isn’t one true answer used to stress me out. I like things to be structured. I like clarity. But accepting that there isn’t always clarity has helped me find mental peace.

When it comes to honesty, seek out all options, then decide for yourself what you believe.

Recognize confirmation bias.

Consider every alternative.

Be open to being wrong.

There aren’t answers to everything.

The only way to find the answer is by realizing there is no answer.

Be honest with yourself.

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Thank you for reading!

My goal is to inspire self-improvement in others through my personal stories and experiences.

This is The Exploration.