Trials

I am being tested.

There are times where you start to dislike yourself. You start to hate the person you are and you want to change it so bad. The absolute worst of you is all you see. You are blind to everything else good that is going on.

Right now, it’s not easy.

I have lost sight of the good and the bad is starting to overwhelm.

When I look in the mirror all the flaws are highlighted with a glaring shade of yellow. Everything bad is starting to stand out and I’m unhappy about these things.

One thing that I have learned is that you can’t necessarily change the things you don’t like. You just have to accept them.

IS THE THING THAT IS DRAGGING ME DOWN EVEN IN MY CONTROL?

Taking full control for everything is the only way to guide your own life, but there are instances where you must just ACCEPT rather than CONTROL.

This week, my inability to be the social butterfly I wish I was, was so highlighted that I just became upset with who I am. I was basically forced into being social for more than 12 hours a day. Every waking minute of my week was spent with people.

With what I have worked on, I thought that I would thrive in these situations now. I thought that I had trained myself enough to be able to fight through the discomfort of these situations and be the person I’ve always wanted to be.

I was extremely disappointed when the opposite was true.

I did not perform how I wanted to. I did not interact as I wished. My confidence was lacking. The person I am went into hiding.

I WAS OVERWHELMED.

Coming back from this week, I am disappointed. I am upset. I let myself down. But now I ask myself, was it something I can control?

I am an introvert by nature and struggle with constant social interaction. I thrive in situations where I am able to break off on my own and choose when I wish to interact.

To me, this week was a test.

It was a test to see I would come back from this disappointment. It was a test to see if I would radically accept who I am or be mad I wasn’t someone that I’m not.

Life was going too well, of course there would be a fork in the road eventually.

WHEN THESE TRIALS DO COME, HOW YOU RESPOND IS WHAT SETS YOU APART.

I responded poorly at first. I got down on myself and was starting to question whether anything I do is worth doing anymore. But the thing is that I know it is. I have proven to myself that what I do is worth it.

The process takes longer than you want it to sometimes.

Life’s trials will try to slow you down and make you stop.

But if you never stop in the face of adversity, good things are bound to happen.

***

Thank you for reading!

My goal is to inspire self-improvement in others through my personal stories and experiences.

This is The Exploration.